Such a rainy seasons these days. Cold and you can feel the lazyness cause its great to lay on bed right now. I'm tired. Yeah, maybe tired with everyone?
Suddenly, this emotional feelings spreading without uncontrolly when you get fight with your mom and your big sister because of small things. Small issue can turn up to be a big issues. I can feel that. Right now. This evil thinking mind try to manipulate and create this hatred feeling. Oh, i hate this . But, I am so relief that i can express all out what i feel inside. Try to turn on a sad song and you feel like crying. Dumb.
There is sometimes, i've been thinking that i'm always the black sheep. the bad one and nothing good come from me. Sigh. Maybe its true. I think mom love big sister than me. Cause she's the perfect one. Heard everything what mom saying while i'm always cut her words off everytime she try to give an advice to me. But hey, i won't defend myself if i'm wrong. But still mom says, You need to accept that you're wrong. That's why people tegur you to be better. Ok, my bad. but it will take time to confess your own fault. Yupp.
There is always this time that i feel lonely , alone , sepi, sunyi , keseorangan , rasa terpinggir , tersisih , lonely again , fell into the darkness like woooo..But dumb again. The cycle is never ends. It just me that always thinking negatively and start to crying without reason and laughing back, and you remembered something sad and you starting to crying again . Totally this is shit. I think i'm goin to be nuts in a seconds. I'm not gonna do it anymore. But at the end i'm still doing the same thing just like i'm talking crap at here. Phewww.
There is sometimes i do feel that my mom now is not my biological mother just because she took my sister side. kekadang sejenak terfikir. " Am i was your step-daughter ?" , "aku ni anak picisan gamaknya" . " Mak tak sayang saya ". Sangat penuh dengan kebabian dan kebebalan.This is extreme ya know. It is just me. Cause im afraid to be such a loser even for once. Still, everytime i was a loser. Afraid to approach people, being egois and ect.
I am in a process, learning how to be a cool person than hot-tempered , saying sorry face to face if i do wrong ( Seriously, this is hard to do, HARDLY) , stop fight with my own sister. Keep silence when mom starting to talk. Mom, i want to be a good daughter so if i have mine i don't want her/him doing the same thing that i do to you. If she/he still do, i deserves that. What goes around, come around.
#haramjadah apa taip kemaen panjang macam karangan bahasa inggeris. Okbai peeps. And Oh, I really should create one nice header. MUST DO.